Scripture: “Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5.
Thought: We had a fight the night before which took away my desire, as a woman, to be ready for my husband, when he reached to draw me close to him the next morning. Once we dealt with the verbal problem, my husband communicated his need and reason for the “make up” sex. His sexual intimacy was his outward sign of emotional intimacy. This is a very masculine trait and as we study this, we find that the expression of sex for a man is a way for him to become emotionally vulnerable.
Is it wrong to refuse sex? No and Yes. No, if there are physical or emotional reasons, such as sickness, infidelity, addiction, abuse, porn, or mutual agreement. Yes, if it is repeatedly denying due to anger, resentment, control, punishment, stress, tiredness, busyness from lack of prioritizing, or being over committed to work, family, children, or social media. Be aware of the underlying words in today’s scripture; “fulfill his duty…and likewise” This speaks of responsibility, authority, depriving. The bottom line, check your motive.
God created sex to feel good, be playful, fulfilling, holy, and with your spouse. The only boundary sex should have is if it’s not what God wants. It’s important that our sexual activities benefit our sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. Both husband and wife want to try something new, but could be afraid the other will be upset or offended. If this is the case, I recommend several books, “Pursuit of Passion”, by Jeffery Murphy and Julie Sibert et.al., “Red Hot Monogamy” by Bill and Pam Ferrel, “A Good Girls Guide to Great Sex”, Sheila Wray Gregoire. And then there are some excellent older books. “Boundaries in Marriage” by Dr. John Townsend and “Intended for Pleasure” by Dr. Ed and Gaye Wheat.
Action: Make the next sexual move. There are so many options and opportunities. We can help if you want to call and talk. To get started, opening and honest communication with your spouse is imperative. Maybe they are just as frustrated as you but you can’t talk about it. Read one of the books above together. Point is make sexual intimacy fun. It was intended to be something a couple experiences together. Remember that God created sex in the marriage to be good, read and learn together, respect each other and enjoy each other… it’s what He intended.
Prayer: Lord, if I was to be brutally honest with myself, I would admit that I have used sex to punish my husband, or surrendered, just to get it over with, but you already know this. Help me to change my thoughts regarding the sex in our marriage. I know you created it as a blessing for us to enjoy. Please help me not to hold grudges and use sex as a defensive tool. Help me to forgive and trust you and and be free and honest when we make love. Thank you for creating me to be sexual and enjoy the man you gave me for love, sex and marriage.